Marcus Pavilonis

Query a Queer


Query a Queer: On bisexuality

Destiniee Jaram / For The Post

Bisexuality is being attracted to genders that are the same and different than mine or yours. Bisexuality is awesome. Not that I chose to be a bisexual, but it certainly has its benefits. The dating pool is doubled, the rate of scoring is doubled. I walk around with hearts in my eyes for anyone I think is attractive. I love that I’m bi. I’m extremely prideful and accepting about my sexuality. But, my sexuality wasn’t something I was honest or comfortable with myself about for years.

Coming out to yourself is an intricate situation, for anyone. It forces you to come to terms with parts of your identity that are repressed, ignored and maybe even loathed. Coming out as a bisexual can be even more difficult. Society lives in a world of black and white. Many people are uncomfortable or confused by the gray section — where everything can get messy and nuanced. Identity expansion can be intimidating to navigate.

My personal advice is to listen to yourself. If you are questioning — bisexual, lesbian or asexual — is to trust yourself. If kissing girls is a thought that you can even consider, that probably means more than you think it does. Be curious. Go out and explore your identity and try new experiences. In a setting where you are comfortable, the worst that can happen is you don’t like something, so you don’t do it anymore, and the best situation? Well, you might just really enjoy yourself.

I also recommend activities that encourage self-reflection. This could be journaling your thoughts and feelings, meditation or even poetry. It will give you a sense of clarity, and you can revisit old experiences for identity growth.

Don’t forget that identity development takes time and patience. Understanding yourself is a process. Self awareness is an asset that comes with perseverance and dedication. Remember to always be loving and kind towards yourself.

Even after coming out and feeling secure in my sexuality, the validity of it is still constantly questioned. People patronize me (are you sure you’re not straight?), erase my identity (everyone is either gay or straight) and downright deny my sexality (Bisexuality is not real). Some days it feels like I am fighting to be believed, and it is hurtful. Even more though, it is invalidating. It’s important to remember when you’re feeling isolated, no one is alone and someone will understand you.

Here are some great resources for my fellow bisexual friends out there. You can also talk to a trusted friend or stop by the LGBT Center, located in 354 Baker Center, Athens. Bi-Local is a community supporting the visibility of bisexuals based in Columbus, Bi-Local is open to bisexuals, pansexuals and nonmonosexualities, and it hosts meetings every second Thursday of the month at Bossy Grrl’s Pin Up Joint, located on 2598 N. High Street in Columbus.

There are plenty of online resources available as well, but here are a few that I highly recommend. The Bisexual Resource Center,, is a community devoted to serving the bisexual community. The website provides global research and resources for nonmonosexualities.

The Trevor Project,, is a leading national organization serving crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to the queer community and questioning people under 25.

GLSEN,, is an organization with the mission to create an impervious and inclusive academic environment for the LGBT community.

Development by: Megan Knapp / Digital Production Editor

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